Trauma Bond Test: Am I Trauma Bonded? Relationship Patterns Test

What this test looks at

“Trauma bond” describes an attachment that deepens through repeated cycles of harm and relief. The closeness after a bad stretch feels intense because of the bad stretch — and the hope of the next good phase keeps you in place.

It is not every hard relationship. Couples who argue, make up and argue again are usually just in conflict. The questions here focus on harm followed by closeness, and what that cycle does to your ability to step back.

“Trauma bond” is a popular term, not a clinical diagnosis. This test measures observable patterns and how strongly they show up.

• Hurt–repair cycleHarm, intense repair, then harm again.
• Relief highsCloseness that feels bigger because it follows distress.
• Dependence on unpredictable warmthYour days shaped by which version of them appears.
• Boundaries crossed, then closenessLimits overridden and smoothed over with affection.
• Minimising harmMaking it smaller — to others and to yourself.
• Difficulty leavingGoing back, or not being able to imagine going.

How to answer

Answer for the last few months rather than one bad day. If a question doesn’t quite fit, pick the answer closest to what usually happens. There are no trick questions and nothing is saved on a server.

What your result can — and can’t — tell you

You’ll see an overall pattern level, a breakdown by dimension, and the specific behaviors that stood out in your answers. It can’t diagnose anyone or tell you what another person thinks or intends. It shows the shape of what you’re experiencing.

This is a structured reflective assessment, informed by relationship research but not a validated clinical instrument. How we build our tests

Questions people ask

What is a trauma bond?

A popular term for an attachment strengthened by repeated cycles of harm and relief. Warmth that comes and goes unpredictably — what behavioural research calls intermittent reinforcement — can make a bond feel stronger than consistent kindness does.

What are the signs of a trauma bond?

Common signs include harm followed by intense closeness, relief that feels like love, minimising what happened, excusing the other person to friends, and going back after deciding to leave even though nothing changed.

Is every on-and-off relationship a trauma bond?

No. Couples can fight, separate and reconcile without harm being part of the cycle. The pattern this test looks for is harm followed by relief — and what that does to your ability to step back.